Sunday, February 01, 2015

ROMINS: Angela's Ashes

Brief Disclaimer: I have never seen the movie "Angela's Ashes", nor have I read the book. ROMINS stands for "Reviews of Movies I've Never Seen".

Angela's Ashes in Angela's Urn
Angela's Ashes is an Oscar-winning film, based on the Tony-winning Broadway musical, which was in turn based on the Teen Choice Award-winning novella which was based, loosey-goosey, on television's short-lived television sitcom, "Who's the Boss".

Angela's Ashes tells the story of retired major league baseball player Tony Micelli (played quite ably by two Danny deVitos stacked in a tall man's overcoat), now living alone in a one-bedroom apartment in SoLo (an area of New York now inhabited soley by people suffering from depression). We learn that Samantha (played passably-well by the corpse of Sam Kinison) had long ago moved to South America to follow her life-long dream to insult ten thousand llamas.

Tony receives an unpleasant surprise when a delivery person (played poorly by Donald Trump's forehead) delivers a bombshell. Not a real explosive, mind you, he's not a terrorist, but rather a  metaphorical bombshell in the form of a package. A package containing an urn. Guess what's in that urn? That's right, it's Angela's Ashes. Because she died. What a twist, totally took me by surprise, didn't see that coming at all. So, like the kids say, 'spoiler alert'.

Tony is stunned to learn of Angela' death, and decides to seek out Mona Robinson (played aptly by television's Nell Carter) who for reasons we never adequately explore has somehow managed to outlive her daughter. Tony learns from Mona that Jonathan has also died from the same whatever-it-was that killed Angela. I don't know, I really had to pee at this point. And then I washed my hands and went and got a refill on my popcorn, because that's free at this theatre. Pretty good deal there, you bet.

I got back to the movie just in time for Tony's final monologue, musical solo, interpretive dance routine, and prostate exam. Such an emotional roller coaster, and let me just say, there wasn't a dry seat in the house.

All in all I give this movie three thumbs up over two thumbs down multiplied by two thumbs up over three thumbs down. Solve for X.

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