"I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and run to my sister's house and ask her for money."
"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."
"Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second."
"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
"My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One day, he took me aside and left me there."
"I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else."
"I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it."
"I met a new girl at a barbecue, very pretty, a blond I think. I don't know, her hair was on fire, and all she talked about was herself. You know these kind of girls: 'I'm hot. I'm on fire. Me, me, me.' You know. 'Help me, put me out.' Come on, could we talk about me just a little bit?"
"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough.'"