Thursday, January 10, 2013

ROMINS (Reviews of Movies I've Never Seen): Les Misérables (Semi NSFW)

Nell Misérables
Wow. I have to admit, I have never been so moved by a movie I have never seen before. Right from the beginning, people talking about how stirring Les Misérables is grabs hold of your heart and wrings every bitter-sweet drop of joy/sorrow from your heart, then fills it up again with sadness and death. Quite uplifting.

Les Misérables tells the story of Becky, a young French Prostitute and part-time kiln played quite ably by television's Nell Carter. Becky had trained in school to be a nanny, but had all chance of a normal life stolen from her by an unfortunate accident involving a footstool, a hand mirror, and a vat of chemical lobotomy fluid.

Forced into a life on the streets, young Becky runs into Fagan or something (played by Wolverine). They get up to all sorts of shenanigans, comical kerfuffles, and humorous hullabaloos, but always remember to take time to get deeply depressing again and sing about it.

Watch for cameos from such famous people as Christopher Lee as Captain Fancypants (Note: The scenes starring Captain Fancypants were later cut from the finished film. Rumour has it, Mr. Lee was furious), John Stamos as Mr. Inexplicablynude, and John Travolta as the Magical Revolving Outhouse, who sings the stirring "How Long Before Jersey Shore does Porn?".

Apparently before Les Misérables was a movie, it was a big hit with the musical theatre folks on Broadway. Of course, back then it was called "Sweeney Todd", only when they made the movie they took out the bits about  killing and eating people. I think. Come to think of it, there were some hungry people in Les Misérables, and some of them do disappear without any kind of explanation...

I give this movie two thumbs down, in the traditional Roman way.

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