Monday, January 30, 2006

Driving Ms. Dimwit

Yesterday, I drove to Toronto with a good friend of mine (let's call him "Gary", because it is his name). Now, Gary is a great guy - very funny, intelligent, and a good laugh. His driving skills are fine ... except when it comes to parking. When it comes to parking, Gary is ... special.

He's ok with the actual act of parking (parallel parking, straight in parking, etc.): his problem is he doesn't actually know how to find a parking spot. Take Sunday. Gary had a meeting in Toronto, and asked me if I wanted to come along for the trip. I said sure, and off we went.

We arrived in Toronto, and Gary found a parking lot and parked his car. Now, at this time, I have no idea that Gary has chosen this spot at random, with no consideration or knowledge of the whereabouts of our destination. We headed outside, into the cold, cold rain, and I asked him where we were going. He grunted something, and started to walk. I followed along, and after 4 or 5 blocks, asked where we were going. He didn't reply, so I naturally started to mock him about not knowing where he was going.

After another couple of blocks, he admitted that we were going to One-of-a-Kind Pasta for lunch, which was fine by me. I asked him why he parked so far away, and he grunted, and we kept on walking. After another couple of blocks, I asked him if he knew where the place was. He said "I know where it is, just not in relationship to where we are now".

That statement kind of floored me. I mean, I guess its cool to know where a place was in theory, but in practice it is more important to know where it is in relationship to where you are. At least, it is if you're walking around in the cold, cold rain, trying to find the place.

I asked him why he picked that parking spot if he didn't know where the restaurant was. No real answer. Of course, I naturally started to mock him at this point, pretty severely. Eventually, he gave up and we hailed a cab ... and the driver didn't know where the restaurant was. Gary told him to forget about it, and just turn left at the next light so that we could go to a different restaurant (the whereabouts of which Gary was apparently aware of) and the cabbie kept driving straight.

We told the cabbie to turn left again, and he kept going straight. So we told him to stop, and got out. We started wandering again, passing numerous perfectly good restaurants, while Gary searched for ... well, hell, I don't know what he was searching for anymore. Eventually we found a Popeyes, which was apparently the place Gary was searching for, and we went in and had supper.

After Popeyes, we took a walk to Gary's meeting place ... which was about 7 blocks away from the restaurant. Now, bear in mind, there were quite a few places near Gary's meeting place we could have eaten at. For some reason, he parked in a random location, and we ended up wandering for about 12-15 blocks, and taking a cab ride, wandering around lost. Gary, for his part, maintains that we were not lost, but simply that we did not know where we were in relation to where we needed to go.

At the meeting place, we discovered a very nice parking lot directly beside it. Yeah. We still had about 20 minutes before Gary's meeting, so I decided to find a coffee shop to hang out in while I waited. Across the street was a restaurant called "Le Service" which turned out to be an upscale, preppy kinda place. We went in, and sat down and had a cup of coffee. A $2.20 cup of coffee that tasted like shit.

When Gary headed off for his meeting, I wandered off until I found a Second Cup I could wait at. After the meeting (where I pointed out the nice, neat, close parking lot), we hailed a cab for the $10.00 cab ride back to the place Gary parked the car.

So, to break things down:

Parking Fees: $7.00
Cab Fees: $18.00
Time Spent In the Cold, Cold Rain: 1 hour, 14 minutes
Discovering your Friend is an Idiot: Priceless


Anonymous said...

What a 'special' day you had!
Next time you can borrow my australian rain slicker
you will still be cold
but it beats cold and wet

Kim Ayres said...

This might cheer you up Asher... or make you feel worse... anyway, I'm tagging you. Click here for more details:

Anonymous said...

Dear Nancy,
OK! I parked where I did because it was the 1st green P I saw near whereabouts I wanted to go for lunch. I would've parked closer but someone, let's call him Ash(because that's who I'm talking about), wouldn't stop being a back seat driver, in the front seat. I needed to immediately bring a stop to the constant,(in a whiny voice)"Ssssss, be carefuuuull, it's raaaiiniiing! Watch out, people are stoping!" So I just pulled over and parked.
Then the pursuit of a civil person began. One that would be so kind to let us have a glance at the yellow pages so I could get the address for the restraunt I was hoping to park near(no dice), and we would just cab it the difference. Unforutnately, the cabbie was useless so I said for the cabbie to take us in the direction of where I soon had to be. Once I saw Popeye's, one of my favourites(plus my brother has never tried them) we jumped out of the cab and feasted. The walk was a fair distance but the cold rain made it seem longer. Had it been a nice sunny day, maybe he would've whined less(lazy cock).
Next time don't whine about my driving you whiny bitch!
Parking Fees: $7.00
Cab Fees: $18.00
Time Spent In the Cold, Cold Rain: 1 hour, 14 minutes
Dragging your whiny back seat driver ass through the cold rain on purpose: Priceless

Anonymous said...

Gary and DESERVE each other!


Asher Hunter said...

tee hee

Daxohol said...

Isn't it beautiful? I really do think they are a match made by the I mean, in heaven.