Friday, January 06, 2006

More Fun with Search Engines

I posted a few months ago about the humorous search terms that lead people to my blog. I'm in the mood to play the game again, so here are some of the more recent search terms that have brought people here.

Term: "Old Vs New Dumbledore" and "i hate the new dumbledore"
Notes: Ok, that makes sense. I rip on the new Dumbledore (hereafter known as Crumbledore) quite often.

Term: "Morganna" and "morganna the stripper"
Notes: Ha. Sorry to disappoint fellas, no free porn here. However, to further confound search engine perv-o's, lets put the words "naughty nympho mudwrestler" in here. Just to be a pain.

Term: "Asher shot"
Notes: Wtf? Is somebody planning something I should know about?

Term: "ok to put bubble bath in whirlpool tub"
Notes: Yes, it is ok to put bubblebath in a whirlpool tub. I do it all the time. It does tend to create a copious amount of bubbles, however, so don't leave it on and walk away. It is not ok to put bath oil in a whirlpool tub, however. Go fig. Other items that should not be placed into a whirlpool bathub include, but are not limited to, poutine, plastic cutlery, horse testicles, and Charo.

Term: "Gay Narnia"
Notes: This one surprised me a bit. I'm assuming someone was looking directly for my blog, because as far as I know, I'm the only person who uses that phrase (Gay Narnia - to experience it, you have to come into the closet).

Term: "melody breyer grell blog"
Notes: I still don't know who this is. I suppose that if I keep on putting the words "melody breyer grell blog" in my blog I will continue to get hits from people searching for her blog. A fact which I find amusing. One day, I plan on finding her blog and leaving her a comment complaining about the number of people who search for my blog and accidentally find hers.

Term: "quiff"
Notes: It surprised me that someone searched for this word. For some reason, I imagine that such a search would lead one to all kinds of odd websites. I haven't taken this journey yet. If you're feeling adventurous, type it into google and let us know where it takes you.

Term: "i crushed the mouse"
Notes: Either this is some kind of sexual slang phrase that I am unfamiliar with (perhaps, one might imagine, referring to certain urban legends regarding the anal insertion of live rodents), or someone was searching for veterinary advice. For those individuals, I have placed some advice from a veterinary textbook on how to treat a crushed mouse: "If the mouse should, in any way become crushed, foldes, spindled or mutilated, it is best treated by disposal, and the expenditure of 35 cents to purchase a new mouse".

Once again, to further confound search engine queries, here are a few random words and phrases:

pickled lint monkey
star-spangled spanner
poutine wrestling
lick the spiggot
vaginal mucus
hot sex with naughty secretary
And Now, Here is a Picture of Two Penises


JMai said...

I'm a little iffy on the new Dumbledore (aka Crumbledore) myself. BUT, beginning with book 5, Dumbledore starts to really kick some ass, and I'm not sure the old Dumbledore could have handled even posing for the stunts. This Gambon guy seems a bit nimbler -- and he's also got a vicious streak. The old Dumbledore wouldn't have yelled at Harry like that after his name popped out of the Triwizard cup.

I honestly can't believe I just wrote the foregoing paragraph. I'm tempted to delete but I think I have a point! Ah well. We've all got our guilty pleasures.

Jim Donahue said...

"picked lint monkey" made me laugh...

Kim Ayres said...

"Gay hitcher" is one that crops up with regular frequency for my site. That's because of an early post of mine that talks about my encounter with one. However, I can't help but feel that the searcher is likely to be pretty disappointed when they click on my blog.

Mind you, there's a blog by a guy called El Barbudo who wrote about this subject too ( and I nearly pissed myself laughing when he said someone had found his site while using the phrase "How to Use a parachute". You have to hope it wasn't an emergency search on a hand-held!

Laura said...

I took the Google journey on "quiff". One of the places it took me was to a recipe for a drink called a Flaming Duck Quiff.

Natalia said...


Yes, yes, and yes...some of the stuff that leads people to my blog are scary!!!


Karl said...

Penises are much better looking than that!

Rach said...

I haven't seen a penis in a long time, they've changed a bit. Used to be you had two choices: Darth Vader or spring roll

Auntie Bernie said...

As Daxohol would say, "Aardvark or Hardhat".

Jim Donahue said...

I get a disturbing number of hits for the phrase "self-induce a coma."