Monday, March 06, 2006

Now THAT's Power

"The Republican lawyer shot by Dick Cheney in a hunting accident in Texas last weekend has emerged from hospital and apologised to the US Vice-President for all the trouble the shooting caused."
Holy fuck. That's power, folks. Imagine being so fearsome that you could shoot a lawyer in the face and have him apologize to you. I mean, not only was Whittington shot in the face by Cheney, the traveling shot actually triggered a minor heart attack. Which, naturally, caused Wittington no end of soft, tender feelings towards Dick.
I mean hell, I don't care who shoots me in the face, and how accidental it might be: I'm still going to have some anger to deal with. "Sure, accidents happen," I'd say angrily, "but dude, you shot me in the FUCKING FACE!"

Of course, I might be more inclined to keep my mouth shut if the guy who shot me could have me killed. And lets face it, if Whittington spoke out against Cheney, the rest of their Republican buddies might stop liking Harry. As might the CIA.
Hell, the press made a bigger deal out of Clinton shooting Lewinski in the face, and she wanted him too!

As an aside, the article goes on to say "Mr Whittington, whose face was still bruised but otherwise appeared healthy..." Now, I don't know about you, but even with the bruises removed, I think one of the last adjectives I would use to describe Harry's face would be "healthy". "Vulpine", "mottled" and "scary" all come to mind long before "healthy".
So, the moral of the story is clear. If you want to be able to shoot lawyers in the face with impunity - and hell, who doesn't? - then go into politics.


Don Q. said...

When I was in law school, we used to say that you could figure out how a case would be decided by the first line. Some examples:

"Plantiff's face was mutilated when the thresher ripped through his flesh at 300 revolution per minute."

--Plantiff wins

"Plantiff stuck his face in the corn picker and was injured"

--Defendant wins

Anonymous said...

Hell, the press made a bigger deal out of Clinton shooting Lewinski in the face, and she wanted him too!


"It's funny, 'cuz it's true"
-Fat Tony

Auntie Bernie said...

Think of Dick and Harry as husband and wife (Dick is the husband, of course). Now, re-read your post. One of the "symptoms" of an abused wife is to apologize for whatever inspired the husband to beat her to near death.

Asher Hunter said...

Don: Yes, the slant placed on an issue does tend to influence our perception of guilt.

Fat Tony: I'm pleased to have put a smile on the face of someone with such a cool name!

Bernie: Dick has a Harry bitch.

Anonymous said...

You're so right Ash, the dude looks like 'death incarnate".
I love your blog, if you ever stop writing I will die of sheer boredom.

Anonymous said...

Think about this - people were terrified because Ronald Reagan had his finger on 'the button'.

Which SHOULD be scarier prospect - a senile old puppet or W?


Asher Hunter said...

anonymous: Thank you very much, that might be the nicest th ing anyone ever said about me. :)

FXW: Reagan was an intelligent man that went senile. W is an idiot being controlled behind the scenes by an oil cartel. Either way, they're both scary.