Crystal Gets Adopted
Her brothers had sisters had mysteriously died,
And nobody suspected dark fratricide.
She was ecstatic, on Cloud Nine she was sittin',
Crystal the Nasty, Hateful Young Kitten.
Crystal was happy, that nasty young elf,
Because she finally had the place to herself.
Stretched out in the sun, on a bone she was nibbling,
Finally now she was rid of her siblings.
She could scratch at the post, she could have any toy
Whenever she wanted, no one to annoy
Her by wanting to play, or tug on her tail,
She could do what she wanted, each time without fail.
Late one afternoon, on a sill she was sunning,
When suddenly a human young one came running.
“Oh Momma, she’s pretty! Oh Momma, she’s mine!”
The human young one was heard then to whine.
“I’m sorry,” said Missus, the head of the house,
While the young one grabbed Crystal like she was a mouse.
“We have only one left, we used to have more!
The others are knocking on heaven’s door.”
“I want this one Momma!” the young one did nag,
And then she tossed Crystal in her school bag.
“It’s ok,” said Momma, “Thank you, Mrs. Heaper,
But Sally loves this one, so this cat’s a keeper!”
And off they did go, and jumped in their car,
Drove Crystal away, and man they went far!
To a place that was odd, and chuck filled with danger
And Crystal, alone, felt quite the stranger.
On the way to the house she escaped from the bag!
But the human girl grabbed her and proceeded to drag
Her up by the tail, up the stairs and inside!
Crystal was frightened! She ran off and cried.
“Oh Mom-cat I’m sorry that I was so mean!
This is the worst house that I’ve ever seen!
I’m sorry I killed off my brothers and sisters!
This human’s a bitch – Yes that’s right, I dissed her!
The human girl caught her, said “Your fur’s a mess!”
Then proceeded to groom her, stuffed her in a dress!
She sprayed her with perfume, then she lit some incense,
“I know!” she shouted, “I’ll call you Princess!”
Crystal’s eyes widened, her grin became feral,
She unsheathed her claws, her eyes then did narrow.
Her lips then did sneer, her whiskers did twitch.
That was all she could take from that human bitch.
She looked to her left, she looked to her right,
She glared at the girl, gave her quite a fright!
Satisfied now that they were alone
Crystal then casually cut the cord to the phone.
The girl now was frightened, the girl now was scared,
She backed away slowly, then ran for the stairs.
She probably thought she had then had made it,
But she stopped in her tracks, her hope then it faded.
Crystal was there at the top of the steps,
She was holding a stone, and her claws she did whet.
Suddenly then, to the young girl’s surprise,
Crystal moved off to let the girl by.
The young girl immediately felt great elation,
Which faded slowly to great agitation.
She walked past Crystal with some trepidation
She knew now that her kitty was an aberration.
She thought then she’d finally escape from this cat,
When Crystal jumped right up and grabbed on to her back.
The young girl then struggled, she grabbed at the air
Then tumbled and slid and fell down the stairs.
As the human girl fell, she wished she could turf her,
But Crystal was riding the girl like a surfer.
At the bottom was heard a loud crack on the head,
And the young girl lay still, finally dead.
Then Crystal curled up, and started to yawn,
Fell asleep on the back, the body still warm.
The human girl failed to heed that rule, unwritten:
Don’t fuck with Crystal, the Hateful Young Kitten.
And nobody suspected dark fratricide.
She was ecstatic, on Cloud Nine she was sittin',
Crystal the Nasty, Hateful Young Kitten.
Crystal was happy, that nasty young elf,
Because she finally had the place to herself.
Stretched out in the sun, on a bone she was nibbling,
Finally now she was rid of her siblings.
She could scratch at the post, she could have any toy
Whenever she wanted, no one to annoy
Her by wanting to play, or tug on her tail,
She could do what she wanted, each time without fail.
Late one afternoon, on a sill she was sunning,
When suddenly a human young one came running.
“Oh Momma, she’s pretty! Oh Momma, she’s mine!”
The human young one was heard then to whine.
“I’m sorry,” said Missus, the head of the house,
While the young one grabbed Crystal like she was a mouse.
“We have only one left, we used to have more!
The others are knocking on heaven’s door.”
“I want this one Momma!” the young one did nag,
And then she tossed Crystal in her school bag.
“It’s ok,” said Momma, “Thank you, Mrs. Heaper,
But Sally loves this one, so this cat’s a keeper!”
And off they did go, and jumped in their car,
Drove Crystal away, and man they went far!
To a place that was odd, and chuck filled with danger
And Crystal, alone, felt quite the stranger.
On the way to the house she escaped from the bag!
But the human girl grabbed her and proceeded to drag
Her up by the tail, up the stairs and inside!
Crystal was frightened! She ran off and cried.
“Oh Mom-cat I’m sorry that I was so mean!
This is the worst house that I’ve ever seen!
I’m sorry I killed off my brothers and sisters!
This human’s a bitch – Yes that’s right, I dissed her!
The human girl caught her, said “Your fur’s a mess!”
Then proceeded to groom her, stuffed her in a dress!
She sprayed her with perfume, then she lit some incense,
“I know!” she shouted, “I’ll call you Princess!”
Crystal’s eyes widened, her grin became feral,
She unsheathed her claws, her eyes then did narrow.
Her lips then did sneer, her whiskers did twitch.
That was all she could take from that human bitch.
She looked to her left, she looked to her right,
She glared at the girl, gave her quite a fright!
Satisfied now that they were alone
Crystal then casually cut the cord to the phone.
The girl now was frightened, the girl now was scared,
She backed away slowly, then ran for the stairs.
She probably thought she had then had made it,
But she stopped in her tracks, her hope then it faded.
Crystal was there at the top of the steps,
She was holding a stone, and her claws she did whet.
Suddenly then, to the young girl’s surprise,
Crystal moved off to let the girl by.
The young girl immediately felt great elation,
Which faded slowly to great agitation.
She walked past Crystal with some trepidation
She knew now that her kitty was an aberration.
She thought then she’d finally escape from this cat,
When Crystal jumped right up and grabbed on to her back.
The young girl then struggled, she grabbed at the air
Then tumbled and slid and fell down the stairs.
As the human girl fell, she wished she could turf her,
But Crystal was riding the girl like a surfer.
At the bottom was heard a loud crack on the head,
And the young girl lay still, finally dead.
Then Crystal curled up, and started to yawn,
Fell asleep on the back, the body still warm.
The human girl failed to heed that rule, unwritten:
Don’t fuck with Crystal, the Hateful Young Kitten.
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