Sunday, November 13, 2005

Feelin' Like a Pool

As a part of my plan to lose weight and get healthier, I’ve decided to start swimming again. First off, it’s a great exercise, and a very effective way to get in shape and drop the pounds. Secondly, and perhaps most importantly, I really enjoy swimming. It’s the one exercise that I love doing, each and every time. Thirdly, there’s a great pool just down the street, and more importantly, right across the street from the place I want to move to. Talk about convenient! If I get this apartment (still waiting to find out, btw), I can literally just walk across the street to go swimming.

So, today I went swimming. I got there early, and hit the water right at the pool opening time. I swam a few laps (ok, 2 laps) before getting tired, then rested and swam 2 more. As I’m gaining my breath, some more people started to come in, and they began swimming too. One lady decided to swim in the same lane I was swimming in, so I would wait patiently for her to get ahead of me, and then I would swim behind her.

She starts giving me dirty looks whenever we pass. So, naturally, I grin really widely at her and nod, hoping this will piss her off even more. Obviously, I’m doing something that annoys her, but I didn’t give a shit. The way I figure it, I’m probably disobeying some kind of unwritten pool rule about lane usage. However, she can see that I’m new here, and any idiot should be able to figure out that I might be unaware of this rule.

She was presented with 2 options. She could introduce herself, say hello, and gently and kindly explain the pool rules to me, so that I would be informed, and stop pissing her off. That’s the adult way. Or, she could just glare at me every time we passed, like a petulant, pathetic fucking child, which is the way she chose. So, considering that she was a irritable, dismal fucking bitch, I had no problem trying to annoy her further.

After I was done (for those of you who are interested, I did 6 laps in 10 minutes, and was exhausted) I got out of the pool. One of the lifeguards explained the pool rule for me (swim out in the middle lane, swim back in the outside lane), and I thanked her for letting me know.

The moral of the story is this: if you’re an ill-tempered, cantankerous old twat, you can just go fuck yourself.


lady be good said...

hey pal, just wanted to say that i passed your blog on a search and that i felt it was my responsibility to let you know that unless your swimming as if you are trying to escape a hungry shark, it is not the best way to try and loose weight. it's good exercise, but not for weight loss.

but good luck with the health thing!

Melanie :-) said...

Anything that makes you feel good and gets you in better shape is a great way to start losing weight.
If your muscles hurt.. you are boosting your metabolism..even when you are not swimming..
good for you Ash!