Monday, November 21, 2005

No Spoilers, Don't Worry

Well, I just came from seeing Harry Potter 4. I'll say this: See this Movie. It is good.

Now, having seen this fourth installment, I have this to say: As of this moment, publically and openly, in defiance of the Ministry, I openly and knowingly admit my committment and support of Lord Voldemort. I'm a Death Eater, and proud of it.

He's just too fucking cool. Plain and simple. They guy kicks ass, has a great look, and he makes sure shit gets down. He's a now man, a mover, a doer, a make-things-happen kinda guy. I mean, the guy fucking died, and it just like, slowed him down, you know?

Now Potty-Potter? Well, Potter's just ... well, a dweeb. He's not particularly clever, or cunning, or smart. He's not one of those "plucky buggers that really know how to put up a fight" kinda guys. He's a fucking magician, but not a particularly good one.

If it wasn't for this fucking prophecy, no one would even know the bastard's name. Oh, sure, he's good at Quidditch. Big fat hairy deal. My dad was kickass at pool, that didn't make him Mayor of the Fucking City. And the prophecy? Big whoop. We've got a prophecy too, you know, and Harry doesn't come out quite as well in the end. <--insert evil_laugh.mpg-->

Lets face it folks, Harry's a twat. He's a null, a cypher, a passenger with a cool scar. He doesn't even have any cool catch phrases. So far, the closest he has come to a cool catch phrase have been the brilliant gems: "What?", "Who?", and "Whazzat?".

Who amongst us, no matter how much we claim to love and adore "The Boy Who Lived" have not, at some time in our lives, watched him drift and bob meekly (like some sad and wet congealed lump of oceanic vegetation) into danger, only to see him rescued by a friend, or by a teacher, or by somebody's father, or by a random freaking passerby who just happens to be able to react, rather than just sit and blink like a brain-fart.

Let's face it, Harry has not accomplished a single thing unles: Somebody else did it for him; somebody else told him exactly how to do it; or pure dumb luck.

How many of you have screamed, at least in your minds, For the love of fuck, you little douchebag, fucking do something! I'm guessing all of you. Admit it. I mean, fuck, the little shit's got a wand, and yet 9 out of 10 times he doesn't even fucking think to use it. Here's a tip, Potter: If there's danger afoot, get your fucking wand out RIGHT AWAY, you little quiff! Do you ever? No, fuck, you leave it fucking holstered all the time. You're not Jesse Fucking James, you addlepated lackwit!

Oh, yeah, and the new Dumbledore is an ineffectual old fart.

So, considering that Potter has all the skill and wit of slightly moistened ball of cotton, I've gone over to the dark side. Voldemort offers power, corruption, money, and most of all, babes. Potter? Well, Potter's just zis guy, you know?


Kim Ayres said...

But that's what teenagers do Asher. Of course Potter pisses you off with his inaction and feeble attempts to do the right thing - you're a grown up.

Of course I'm a grown up too, and have to admit you've got a point, even though I'd better pray that my 10-year old son never finds your blog - it could traumatise him more than finding out Santa's true identity...

Asher Hunter said...

Yeah, I really should put up a "Not for Kids" warning. Of course, if I do that, I'll just attract more kids ...

Lord Lessismore said...

I believe you've tapped into the buried theological backbone of HP: he doesn't have to DO good (or smart or clever) things, he only has to BE good and good things happen. Just like life, right?